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December 12, 2012
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The knife dragged down her spine, pressure being applied; enough to make her scream out in pain, but not hard enough to pierce through the skin. If it was to be dug into the skin, the one behind the knife, the one who was wielding it, wouldn't be able to gain control. Wouldn't be able to stop from digging it so deep, it would kill her. A smirk formed on the lips of the holder, just playing on the lips like it was no one's business. Slowly, the knife was dragged away from the young girls back, she struggled against the ropes that had her bound to the bed in the strange house as the psycho laughed loudly, the evil cackle filling the room and taking away her breath. She screamed again, tears leaking out of her eyes and flooding down her soft cheeks. The person slowly turned the girls head to face her, though she couldn't look into the eyes of the monster, not only because her vision was blurry, but because the person had a dark black hoodie on. Slowly, the dark black figure dug its nails into the chin of the girl, nothing but cries and pleading begs for help and for this mad person to stop came out of her lips. But the person wasn't stopping. If anything, the cries only made the figure more determined to inflict pain on this innocent young girl, "Keep struggling, and these claws will cut right through you, they're long enough to rip out your plump ripe heart," came the husky voice, breaking the bitter silence. The silence apart from the constant screams of the girl.

"Who are you…? Why are you doing this to me…?" She whispered softly, her voice portraying just how weak her physical appearance was at the current moment in time. A snicker was all that was done to respond to the comment. As if this psycho was going to tell her!

"You really think I would tell you? Well, I must say how hurt I am to hear you even dare to ask sweetie, I expected you to realize," It was no longer a husky voice, it was a growl, like an instant demon had just taken over this already, kidnapping, psycho, killing monster.

"I don't know who you are!" She cried out as the figure simply stood, reaching over to the barred window and grabbing a small packet off the ledge.

It bent down to whisper into the girl ear, "Yes you do, you should" The voice was now a whisper.

Slowly, the figure opened the box, pulling out a small, thin stick and running it quickly across the side of the box, causing a flame to flicker, landing on the girl and burning through her skin. She yelped, though it was only a small morsel, not too bad. The figure quickly swiped again, lighting the match and dropping it onto her body, "Let's see how much you think it doesn't hurt now," It growled, picking up the knife again. It turned the girl over onto her back down, the flames burning right through her as she struggled, crying, kicking and screaming. Dragging the knife, slowly down her chest, it applied more and more pressure as the sharp silver blade made its way down her body. No longer silver now. It was red. Crimson red, with the young girls' blood. The figure laughed heavily, throwing its head back as it drew the blade to its mouth, licking the blood off with its tongue as the girl cried. The figure grinned and continued to lick, there was blood all over her, her back still on fire. This was all so good.

"Stop it! Please! Just stop hurting me you sick bastard!" The girl screamed, writhing around trying everything to stop the burning pain consuming her.

The figure grinned in the dim light, still licking at the knife as it laughing heavily, the evil sound bouncing off the walls all around the small, enclosed room. "How dare you Anna," It growled, the demon coming out again, "How dare you speak to your mother like that." She pulled off the hood, revealing herself as the girl, Anna's, mother. She licked the knife quickly before slashing at her daughter again and again, licking more and more of the blood.

Anna lay on the bed, "M….Mother…?" She whispered, the name rolling off her tongue with ease. Why? How?! Anna lay there, feeling herself starting to fade away as her own mother plunged the knife into her, pulling apart her abdomen, blood spilling out. Nothing. She felt nothing as her world around her spun in circles, just a dark, tall figure standing over her, eyes dark with hate and anger. Anna felt nothing now, and she would never feel again. She looked over in the corner of the room, seeing one more dark figure. She knew who it was; her eyes were falling shut as she felt one last thing. It wasn't the knife, it wasn't the heavy breathing of her mother, and it wasn't the burning skin on her back. It was one thing.

Chills.
So here is another piece of writing I did for a contest run by the group :icondearwriter: It had to be about Chills. I did another piece but I wasn't happy. I am still editing that one and meanwhile I wrote something from a completely different angle.

This sick and twisted please dun hate meh

Enjoy?~


:icondonotuseplz::iconmyartplz: :iconccwelcomedplz1::iconccwelcomedplz2:
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:iconanunfoldedpapertiger:
Well, it's an interesting piece to say the least. The macabre imagery and the actions of the mother are disgusting and put incredibly blunt, which works to the fiction's advantage. But (for me at least), that's all it's got going for it. Yeah, it's got the shock of the victimizer being the woman's mother, but I don't really see anything else that's profoundly significant within the work. There isn't any build-up, we know almost nothing about the characters, and the story is (forgive my language) sub-par because of it. That, and the story prides itself on gore. Yes, when used, blood and gore contribute to many a scare within a piece of art. But frankly, it's overused. Now, I know that I'm a hypocrite for using a fair about of blood in my entry, and you are free to give your own critique if you find it necessary. But that's for another time.

Now, the story itself, again, is an alright work. A bit amateur, but it's good for what it offers. However, I have a few things to suggest the next time you plan to tackle a piece of prose of this genre. I'm not an aficionado in writing, much less horror writing, but I feel as if this will help.

Instead of focusing on sudden action, trying building tension in the situation, giving hints and pieces of the character's personality and inner psyche as the work moves along. And when the climax arrives, keep it simple and disturbing rather than a sudden jump scare. I feel as if the subtle side of horror leaves a lasting impression on the reader and works as a greater poison.

I hoped that this critique helped, and that your skills improve as a result.
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:iconits-emina:
Its-Emina Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
[Sorry for late reply D:]
Very creepy and it does send 'chills' to the back~ Especially when you figure out the mother is the psycho~

Personally, despite being a romance writer [or at least attempting too] as well as having written a few 'horror/gore' [never was able to distinguish the difference between them] stories, I can't help but ask why it's her mother. Not to be rude, and it really is just my personal opinion, I think it would have made it more 'twisted' if you showered why the mother was killing her to make more of an effect of the story~ But again, just my personal opinion ^^

please don't be offended~
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:icongirlpower12121:
girlpower12121 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry at all heheh I am not offended. The best advice and comments are the ones that point things out so I can work on them. I personally do not normally write this kind of genre. I am more of a romance writer with some tragedy involved and deep emotions so I went out on a limb for this one. But thank you very much for your feed back :) If I ever do this genre again I will surely take this into account

:heart:
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:iconits-emina:
Its-Emina Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad that I could help :)
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:icongirlpower12121:
girlpower12121 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:D
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:iconfriedfrerardchicken:
FriedFrerardChicken Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
UUh... do you have currently any problems with your mother? XD
anyways, it's fucking sick and... twisted and you write damn fucking well!!!
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:icongirlpower12121:
girlpower12121 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahaha no I don't. I love my mother to death. So to be honest...I have no idea why it turned out like this XD Thank you so much <3
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:iconfriedfrerardchicken:
FriedFrerardChicken Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem but it creeped the fuck outta me XD
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:icongirlpower12121:
girlpower12121 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hahahah sorry XD
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:iconfriedfrerardchicken:
FriedFrerardChicken Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't worry :meow:
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